Craving intimacy.

I’ve made my decisions but I feel that there’s now one thing lacking. Intimacy. I’m not yet in a place where I can be intimate with Chrissey and Mama Jan. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with the idea, it’s just that I don’t want to scare them away. I find myself, falling on bad habits. Habits that brought me on this journey in the first place. It’s not even that I miss him, it’s more like the idea of missing someone who I can perfectly be myself around without fear of judgement. I know ultimately I’ll have that here, but I don’t think we’re at that point yet.
The good news is that we’re looking at a place tomorrow that has three bedrooms which is a total win for me. Can’t wait to finally be able to unpack my things.
Right now I’m having a few side effects with my MS as I’m completely blind in my left eye. I knew I was due for something after all the stress of the past year.. but damn, let me get to know the city I just moved to first. I’d prefer not to be blind. If this ends up as a permanent thing I may have to stop making payments on Corgan or try to figure something else out. The good news is that I’ll be able to get on disability, which would be a good thing given that I’m so broken from this darn disease and even the smallest amout of stress sets it off.
Alright, this blog wasn’t meant for these types of posts but I had to get it all off of my chest.

A new sort of purpose

Scenic Overlook outside of Little Manhattan, Kansas of the Flint Hills.

I started this blog for a class of mine but the original concept was actually something that had been spurning inside my head for about a year now. I wanted to create a blog that focused on inner and outer growth and development through my own life choices and changes.
In November I made a decision that would ultimately change my life and set in motion an entire series of events. I decided to leave my husband and pack up myself and my cat and drive across the country to Portland, OR where one of my best friends resides. After that decision was broadcasted to my friends and loved ones and notice was made at work, I had to stand tall beside my decision and move forward with changing my life. It must be noted that the decision to leave my husband was not a spontaneous decision, but one he had himself put in motion when he made poor choices that impacted us both. I choose not to mudsling at the moment, merely stick with facts that are public knowledge.
So anyway, I began shipping small things such as books, cds, dvds, clothing to my best friend. It was costly, but much cheaper than renting a uhaul or other mode of shipping/transporting since I had no plans to take any of the furniture.
On January 9th, I set forth on my journey across the country and it was such an amazing process. I found myself, driving solo, filled with inner self reflections and an opportunity to see this amazing country.

A fat girl has to die so a skinny girl learns a lesson?

I’ll admit, I’m plus-size with a little extra padding and I can’t bring myself to watch the show Drop Dead Diva. It’s a show directed towards plus-size women with the hopes of telling them to be comfortable in their own skin without giving up their intelligence and what’s important to them. The premise of the show is Deb, a skinny, beautiful, self-absorbed model who is in a car accident and when she gets to the gates of Heaven she begs to be sent back. In a comedic twist she’s inserted into the body of recently deceased Jane Bingum, a plus-size attorney who’s always been more reserved.

Why does the plus-size woman have to die in order for the skinny, self absorbed model-like girl to learn a lesson? Why does she get a second chance for being vile when the plus-size woman does not?

I understand that the show gets rave reviews from critics and viewers alike but I can’t get past my obvious annoyance. I also understand that women love the idea that there is a woman on television that looks like them but again, I can’t get passed the fact that while the body is plus-size, it’s being run by the soul of a skinny woman. Why not make the show a bit more interesting and throw the original Jane into Deb’s body? This way both women learn lessons, and maybe then I wouldn’t have a distaste for the show.
What do you think about the show and it’s storyline?

Deb, in Jane's body at her funeral.

Cringeworthy: Makeovers

Laney Boggs from unique to sheep!

We’ve all seen that movie where the ugly pretty girl gets a makeover and suddenly the cutest boy wants to date her, she gets into the right college and life becomes perfect. I was at a critical age when the movie She’s All That (1999) came out and that movie devastated me. When it’s a geeky girl getting the makeover we all cheer and get excited. I find fault in this. I liked Laney Boggs BEFORE the makeover. She had this unique look and a whole different personality in comparison to her sheep like classmates. Why do we find uniqueness in women so intimidating? Why does our culture tell us we need to look all the same?

It’s not just this movie I find fault with, it’s all makeover shows on television. From Jenny Jones doing makeovers on her daytime television show to makeovers on America’s Next Top Model. We’re so driven by our own consumerism that we’re presented by this cookie cutter image of what women should look like and we’re expected to conform to it. When you look at men and the images and advertising their presented with its never about their looks.

It all boils down to advertising. Perhaps this is where the premise of these movies and shows come from. We’re afraid of growing old, afraid of gaining weight and we’re afraid of standing out. What would it take to break these restraints and begin to live life instead of worrying about how we look and what we wear.

Even Oprah has a list of her favorite movie makeovers. When we present this to young women, what effect do you think this has on them?

Why feud?

I came across this article and I’ve been scratching my head ever since. What’s the point of feuding? What is the point?

Lil’ Kim accuses Nicki Minaj about stealing her persona and even makes accusations in her new song “Black Friday,” a play on Minaj’s “Pink Friday.” It seems silly to fight, especially given the fact that women lack in numbers in the music industry in comparison to men.

It also seems that there’s a bit of jealousy over Kim’s fading popularity and Minaj’s rising star. It all honesty, female veteran musicians should take newcomers under their wing in order to ensure women’s place in the music industry. If we let these types of things continue it will just seem like these sort of cat fights are not only okay in music but also in our everyday lives, given that young women look up to these women.

I personally don’t listen to either of these rappers music because I believe it’s to overly sexualized, there have been other examples of female musicians battling for the top and having a love/hate relationship. Most notably is Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears. Do you think it all stems from jealousy or do you think it’s the media playing up these feuds?

What’s your opinion of their feud? Can you think of any other more noticeable or epic female singers/musicians battling?

What I’m thankful for: Music

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I wanted to write a blog about one of the most important things in my life, music. Not just generic radio hits, but music with a female singer and lyrics that feature strong women and the issues we face. Although I was ten years too late for the riot grrrl movement in the 90′s it was the first genre of music that truly helped me figure out who I was. It helped me shape my identity and really connect with a sisterhood with other women. I’m working on a paper about the same subject for my Women, Girls and Media class and learning more about the history of this genre of music and the obstacles they faced makes me appreciate it so much more. I’m so thankful that I have an inspiring, truthful source of music within my reach.

Although the music doesn’t appeal to everyone, as it has ties to punk music and is loud and proud, it does carry important messages about feminism, gender imbalances, sexuality and sexual abuse. It was a great way for the movement to spread their message as well as to unite teens and young women all over the country and eventually all over the world. These bands contained all women members performing every essential part from the lead singer to the drummer and even had their own record labels.

I’ve tried to find female musicians today who instill these same types of messages and hope and I’ve not had any luck. I looked to musicians like Lady Gaga and her fame monsters, Brittney Spears and Christina Aguilera and listened to their music and their lyrics and the message they present is all about sex and pleasing a man. While Bikini Kill sings about a Rebel Girl who is bringing the revolution, Christina Aguilera sings about wanting to be dirty.

In the end, although it’s loud and not everyone’s taste, it does present a better message to young women and it’s a message of power, strength, revolution and being proud to be a women.

Also, it’s interesting to note that this was one of the first groups to effectively use zines in order to promote their cause and their music.

An interesting network of riot grrrl zines: http://grrrlzines.net/

Sexual, I mean, sensual eating in commercials

I have an admission to make and I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way. I get grossed out at the commercials that show women moaning over the bite of food they just ate. I don’t mean the typical “mmm.. so good,” kind of moan we all make when we’re eating something that’s a treat for our taste buds but the eyes closed, sensual smirk accompanied by that long drawn out moan that we all associate with sex. As well as the commercials that show a montage of women inserting food in their mouths, such as Betty Crocker Warm Delights, all the women with their eyes closed as they open their mouths wide and insert a mouthful of chocolate cake?

Why would they make such a commercial? What are they trying to say? I understand the studies that show chocolate stimulates the brain’s pleasure centers but is it really necessary to make a commercial featuring women moaning over chocolate as if they are getting aroused?

 

Although, on this same subject, I find the new baby carrots commercials that mock the sensual chocolate commercials funny and true. The sexual innuendos in these commercials is just too much and to make matters worse they’re shown during regular television hours. In a society where we’re plagued by childhood obesity it seems like these commercials make chocolate seem forbidden and naughty to eat. Like Eve eating the apple, is chocolate the next forbidden fruit?

Women in Horror

Horror films, the black sheep of the cinema, has a long list of female horror villains and an even longer list of female victims and victors. To break it down even further, the most gruesome, bloody of the genre is the slasher flick, which pays homage to the unlikely female heroine and an assortment of stereotypical female victims, such as the slutty bimbo.

The reality of horror films is that they have actually been very good for women in film, presenting a list of strong female heroines beating the bad and evil guy into supernatural submission. A recent article in Forbes, would have us believing that women really didn’t start taking a lead role in horror films until the 1970′s, but in reality there were several earlier horror films in which female heroines and female villains led the way kicking and screaming.

Here’s a breakdown of the history of women in horror:

The Bad Seed (1956): Perhaps one of the first films featuring an evil child (paving the way for movies like The Good Son (1993), The Ring (2002), etc.) shows a young girl with a propensity to kill. The plot of the movie centers around Rhoda who kills one her of her classmates over a penmanship medal. The movie plays at the idea that becoming a serial killer is a gene and the ending shows that nature takes out bad seeds.

Rosemary’s Baby (1968): A husband and wife move into a housing complex in New York City with a history of murder and satanic rituals. They pay the warning no mind and begin to get to know their neighbors. When the couple agrees to have their first child a series of odd events begins to occur. The wife (Mia Farrow) tries to solve the mystery and the plot revolves around satanic rites and the ideas of motherhood.

Carrie (1976): A movie adapted from a Stephen King book, features not only a female villain but also a female victor. The movie centers around Carrie, an odd and misunderstood girl who is often tormented by her classmates. When one prank is taken to far, Carrie lashes out against her tormenters through her psionic powers, leading to a prom night massacre. One single classmate, a female, is the only surviving female.

 Halloween (1978): This movie features Jamie Lee Curtis, one of the original scream queens of the 70′s. The plot centers around a serial killer, Michael, who terrorizes a small group of friends on Halloween. It’s a film where the final victor is a female, although in sequels it shows Michael who keeps coming back no matter how many times they kill him. It’s a slasher flick the first hits on the idea of teenage promiscuity and death.

 A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984): Another slasher film, the plot focuses on a group of teenagers in Ohio who are tormented and killed in their dreams by Freddy Krueger. The main character, Nancy, watches helplessly as her friends are killed as she, herself, tries to get away from Krueger. In the end she remains the only one alive leading the way for an onslaught of sequels.

 Movies in the 90′s and 2000′s played off of all of these movies, we were presented with female children as the evil doer (The Ring (2002)), psycho female roommates (Single White Female (1992)) and a variety of slasher film remakes. These earlier films were an inspiration for more recent movies and paved a way for females in the horror film genre. The Forbes article is correct about the 1970′s but it was more of a turning point for women in the genre. Of course there were girls who were killed in the movies, but we must remember, there were boys as well, but it’s the unlikely female heroine that comes out in the end.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Fewer women in important political positions

http://www.courierpostonline.com/article/20101004/NEWS05/101004048/1001/rss

I’ll admit, it was the title of this article that first caught my attention, but it wasn’t the title that left me with an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. While the article presents a historical and political viewpoint, it fails to really emphasize the ‘what if.’ If women are forced out of Congress and the Senate, what impact will it have on the issues they back and represent? Why are we merely focusing on the gender of the political candidates and representatives and not the real issues at hand?

“Hard times historically have made voters more risk-averse and less willing to consider voting for female candidates,” states writer Susan Page. But why? Why do voters view women as the “unsafe” option?

I can understand why a woman wouldn’t want to run. Look at what the media did to Sarah Palin and Hillary Rodham Clinton, they picked them apart, they challenged their parenting, the strain it would cause on their marriages, their experience, backgrounds, etc. They made comments about what they wore and painted a picture of Palin as being dumb and Clinton as being a woman riding on the coat tails of her husband’s success. If they are that opposed to women in politics why don’t they just come out with it and say what they really mean, “take your platforms and social/economic reforms and go home!” Instead the media sugarcoats their true thoughts behind ridiculous claims and statements.

SUNY Cortland: Reimagining Girlhood: Communities, Identities, Self-Portrayals.

SUNY Cortland: Reimagining Girlhood: Communities, Identities, Self-Portrayals..

I came across this event while inputting calendar items for the local newspaper I work for. It’s taking place from Oct. 22 to 24 at the State University of New York at Cortland. The cost is a bit steep but it’s for the whole weekend: including meals, $140; without, $80. They even offer shuttle services for a nominal fee.

I’m tossing around the idea of going since it’s so incredibly relevant to our current studies in Women, Girls and the Media, and makes mention of the Riot Grrl movement which is an area I’d like to research for the final paper. It’s only a 45-minute drive each way so it’s incredibly doable.